Day Seven

Today, the seventh day in the revolutionary army, we were finally going into a major battle to get San Ildefonso back from the loyalists. In the morning, as I loaded the rifles, ammunition, etc. onto the truck, I worried about me fighting in a real war. I haven't had much training and was not skilled in any of the army-related thing. As I marched to Rio Santiago with other thirty soldier, I thought of me, not able to help the revolutionaries. I couldn't shoot at the loyalists even though I hate them. I wasn't a good soldier like Lolo, who can shoot loyalists very well. Like Esteban said, I'm only a baby-sitter who couldn't do anything helpful. Discouraged, I am sure I'm going to die even before a loyalist can shoot me. Though I had to hate Captain Mendoza for sending me unprepared for a real war, I couldn't as it wasn't his fault that I'm not a good soldier. It's totally my fault.
When we arrived at Rio Santiago, we had to take turns watching out for the loyalists. It was absolutely dark, but Lolo and I managed to spot two or three loyalist boats during our turn to watch. This time was a difficult time for me; I actually fired a gun for real this time. The darkness had helped me shoot the loyalists, but I'm sure I missed them all. Lolo had probably shot them all. I couldn't see the loyalists as people because then, I couldn't fire my rifle. I had to think of them as black shapes. Still, I don't feel comfortable. I am absolutely sure that I won't be any help to the revolutionaries as I had mentioned before.

Picture source:
http://www.higherportal.net/t4c/2007/09/14/ChildSoldierThailand.jpg